My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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