I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
