As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
