Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
