So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
