He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
