.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
