just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
