I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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