Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
