If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
