it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
