I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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