I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
