Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize