I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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