Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
