My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
