my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
