I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
