I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
