walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
