She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
