There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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