I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
