He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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