You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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