Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
