I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
