3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
