His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
