well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize