there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
