jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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