I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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