It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
