i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
