what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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