i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
