I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
