remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
