Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
