I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
