can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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