Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
