The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
