So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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