I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
