I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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