the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
