Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
