i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
