I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
