All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize