We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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