There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
