is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
