champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
