Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
