I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
