i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
