the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
