Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize