Soap is not a condiment
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
