There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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