Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
