Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
