dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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