Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You ate ashes out of my bong
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
