He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
