what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
