Whod you bang
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
