I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
