Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
