You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
