this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
