So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
