i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
