I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
