You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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