i may or may not be watching the land before time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Randomize
