So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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