im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
